Wow where did those past few months go! It’s been awhile since you heard from me as I settled into to my new role as a mother to our son Goya.
I’m very grateful to announce that he is a happy, healthy and energetic little boy. Never thought that the coming of our little one could be such a rollercoaster ride and I can confirm that all the clichés you hear people tell you are true – “it’s life changing”, “you will never feel like you get enough sleep”, and “life as you know it will be over”, but also “it will be all worth your while”.
One thing that I didn’t expect would happen with this new role was an opportunity to exercise my muscles in the art of letting go. I call it an art, because it is a skill that I now understand can’t be forced or intellectualised. Even though I understood conceptually that when I fight with what is happening in the present moment, I will experience discomfort, actually implementing what you know is so much harder.
Somehow, I had imagined in my mind that I would be able to continue business as usual, but maybe at an 80% capacity rather than 100%. After all, I had managed to multi-task a complex life before, how hard can having a newborn be :-). I know, such a nooob.
So it was confronting when I realised that I was not going to be able to make my own self-imposed deadlines, of completing my book and getting back to my weekly writings, and the setting up of my new venture. What made the transition so complex was that it wasn’t that I didn’t love being a mom, nor could I imagine ever wanting to go back as the way things were, but rather the realisation of how my experience of happiness was tied into things going a certain way. My way.
It’s so much easier to maintain a lifestyle that is efficient and tailored to how you want it to be when you have only yourself to think about. It gets a little trickier when new variables come into play. When all of a sudden you are now responsible for a little one who is not only 100% dependent on you but also comes with his own rhythm and schedule. It wasn’t until I shifted my mindset and saw my new reality as a catalyst for growth, self-discovery and the opportunity to master the art of letting go that I was able to reconnect with an inner joy again.
What did it matter if the book was delayed by a few months, or if I started my new company a bit later. All we truly have is now and I get to decide how I’m going to experience it. Will I use this moment to focus on all that I do have and get to do or get stuck in a place of what is not. Both realities can be true, it just depends on which one I want to adopt as being real.
Seemingly small and insignificant things began to gain new meaning when viewed through the lens of gratitude. Observations like, how great that I get to spend quality time with my son, or how wonderful that I get to have things that I’m passionate about, but also how great that I get to wake up this morning and how blessed am I to be surrounded by lovedones.
It was eye opening to me to see how much value I had placed on productivity and on measurable accomplishments, that I had overlooked the perhaps more meaningful manifestations that are far less showy but incredibly valuable to one’s wellbeing.
When who we are and what we do in the world is a direct extension of who we are inside, then it makes sense to live life starting from the inside out. That when you come from a place that has made peace with what is life has a chance to show its fullness.
This is not to be mistaken with giving up on one’s ambitions, dreams or passions, but rather to meet them from a place of fullness rather than a place of scarcity. Still got a loooong way to go but fortunately I have my little teacher who helps me along the way.
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